Wednesday, April 16, 2008;
5:23 PM
hello,i dont have the mood to post everything tht has happend now because im not in the right mood.
fker,so do you think youre right?wht you all care is always the results and the money,do you ever ask me how i felt,no.fk you.i cant stand it anymore .and another one here trying to make the matter worse by laughing and so on,if you think you all can really treat me like tht,go on thn,i have gt nth to say,i can only say i dont like you all,and i dont want to tell every single thing tht happend and so on,now,get out of my life or i will get out of yours,simple.
i alrdy knew i cant take it any longer,but i try bluffing myself hard,to tell myself tht i can,but i cant.wtf now you want me to do.everythings so wrong.you seee,im crying now,whn im posting,so is tht wht you want?happy?
why others can have such a gd f*****,but thn i cant?shit you,its because we always cant give in to each other,but i did,i tried my best,but it still isnt the best to you all.i also have limits,not everyone is perfect,im imperfect too,i know.everyones just doesnt know how i felt,because they only care for themselves.and just because of one stupid mistakes and i was being blamed so badly,come on,beat me if you want,i dont mind,because it will make me understand you all better.
i also want to study,its not tht i doesnt want to,who doesnt want to be smart and hardworking,but thn you spoilt my mood everytime whn i wanted to study,and thn you will blame me for tht i didnt do well and all i do is play and play and play.but wht i do in school,can you seee?you ant,wht i did at hme,outside each night,you know?nope,because you all doesnt even ask and find out and you all are always not there.using my laughter to cover every sadness,so tht you all wont know tht im sad,and thn it wont increase the stress on you all,but thn whn you see i cry wht you would say?crazy is the first word,other than tht wht esle.now i realise tht theres no one i could trust,even the closest to you.and now i realised,everythings is so fake,i realised tht you all are the worsest thing tht i had i my life.i really wish to get out of all this,but thn it seems tht i cant.pls,if anyone is not happy with me now,dont tell me.because i dont think i can take it to myself anymore.
each and everyday,theres always quarrrel,there wont be one day,whn no quarrel is being quarreled.im silly,to believe you all.im stupid,because i dont understand you all.
and ya,i remembered how well you all understand me by tht quarrel we had on the phone,you dont even know wht i like and wht i want to do,because i asked you,how well you understand me,and you have nth to say.ya,i saw the true self of you,but thn whnever i saw you crying in front of me,i felt so bad,so i wanted to ask you,do you ever felt bad whn you see i cry,or you really meant wht you say?maybe we shall not talk abt it anymore,because i dont wish to makemy life worsen,now i know,the lie is over,i cant bluff myself anymore.thn i shall numb myself thn.
if you really thinks im at fault,thn so be it thn.i dont wish to say anymore nordo anything esle,because it will only make me more sad.
now,just treat as every promises tht we had made doesnt exist anymore.
I GAVE EVERYTHING UP ALRDY.