hello,
i have been studying very hard,and i guess ,i did.nowadays,i didnt slp in class,i paid attention,esp for bio.jus to pull up my grades.im not sure if im smart,but i know if i work hard,i will get gd grades in turns of reward.i tried my very best to do well,and i think i did,so can you be in the same boat as me and understand tht studying is a very hard thing?put yourself in my shoes,i have to wake up everyday early in the morning,just for school.everyday,i woke up,i told myself tht i didnt wanted to go school,but in the end i went,just because i wanted to study,and i persuaded every of my friends to study.now,i did all my hwks,except for maths,because i cant jolly well find my maths 2 and notebook as well.i think i handed up the wrong bk.so,you wanted me to study,and now,im studying,and youre not beliving me and puting yourself in how i felt.ha,youre such a bad person!i know i had been bad soemtimes,but i still studied and theres arent any bad record in my record.so,do you understand?studying is hard,and i nd time to relax as well.now,even teachers told me,tht i have changed my attitude towards studying,and keep up the gd work,and im happy,becvause teachers seldom praised me like tht.im glad,im happy.i decided to tell you whn i get hme,but thn wht happend in the end?you turned me off.i know i came bck late,but i have my reasons for doing so.the first word you told me as i step into the hse,was tht youre sclding me alrdy.did you hear my reasons?i need time to relax as well as study!thn i told you all the things,but did you believe me?why cant you jsut tell me once tht you believe in me?just because of tht fking accident,and thn you seemed to trust others more than me,even outsiders tht are not very clse to you nowadays!you trusted them,i told you,you dont believ me.tht time you said you trust me,and believe wht i said,because im your daughter,bt thn it doesnt seemed so.because you have been saying and taking the incident as an example to scld me and so.now i realised,why you sclded me for,its because you wanted face.everyone told me tht everyone wld love and care and TRUST their child,but do you?youre baised.you treat him mroe gd than me,seriously,thts wht i felt.now tht everything had changed,and ive adapt to the surroundings and everything,you tried to changed everything again.you tried to turn bck times to those times whn i was in primary school,but you know its hard?its easy for you,because you dont have to conside how i felt.but me,i considered how you felt,because i didnt want you to get worry,i studied hard,because i didnt want you to be sad,i tried to be ggd.because i didnt want you to be alone,i stayed at hme and accompany whnever youre at hme.but how many times are there?you just plan things according to wht you wanted,you wanted to come hme suddenly,and i was scared tht you wld sclded me or so,i went hme early as well.but thn wht?wht happend in the end?fk,rubbish.i know you sometimes did gd things tht were gd to me,i treasured and appreciate it.no matter wht,i still love you all,seriously ,and i hope tht you all too!oneday,we didnt even talked alot,just on phoned,wht can i expect frm you?everysday is the same old phrase,until i can memorise them now.now tht everything had changed alrdy,we dont have to go bck to the past,because its hard for me,really.try thinking in my shoe,i hope it help.
and as for you,i trusted you not to tell them,but instead,you told them.ha,how silly can i be.you even complained me.you said tht was concern,but tht wasnt wht i wanted.dont force me to say anything if i dont feel like saying it out,because its unbearable.i really cant believe tht you backstabbed me on my bck.thts for my own gd?ha,if everythings for my own gd,you shld have listen to me,and not to tell them.concern and care?rubbish,i dont felt it.everyone telling me the same thing,but thn you all dont know wht it is tht exactly happend.i dont want this type,this type of conern and care,i wanted those like my cousins and all those kind.can you all give me?
(ps,im writing this not to make you all feel guilty,but im just stating it out,if really for my own gd,read this and you'll understand wht i wanted and expected frm you all.i know you have been reading my blog sometimes,because you seemed to know alot of things frm here.so read it now,so tht you know whts happening.but dont asked me and talk face to face abt it,because i have alrdy get use to the way whr we comminicate all this problems through sth or so.IM SORRY,BUT I STILL LOVE YOU ALL)
and you,you left me alrdy,wht am i still staying here and thinking of you for?they are right,i shld let you go.since you have her.happy and gd luck!i burned the paper alrdy.i didnt know if its the correct thing and way to do,but i doubt so.
im happy with my friends,my friends accompany and they treat me gd,and they understand me well.i love you all,stephy,xinyi and crystal!
im tired,bye.